2021.05.19 02:47 fiercestbear What did a person in your life do that immediately made you gain respect for them?
2021.05.19 02:47 ItoXICI [Round 96106] Street view coords within 50m
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2021.05.19 02:47 by_u evo and his friend
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2021.05.19 02:47 kaeldarus Best Stellaris DLC/Mods?
Want to get back in to the game and figured I should add something to spice it up. Currently only have Federations and Utopia. What DLCs and mods are recommended?
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2021.05.19 02:47 SupremoZanne Mii Battle Ultimate: Steve Urkel vs. Lester the Unlikely
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2021.05.19 02:47 fatdumbpenguin Wow it really takes 2
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2021.05.19 02:47 nicetonoyou Put the tweezers down
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2021.05.19 02:47 dirtonnaise the tree man
2021.05.19 02:47 Flimsy-Union1524 Carol Rosin and The Last Card
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2021.05.19 02:47 REIGNING-MVP I enjoy tragic backstories; it builds character.
2021.05.19 02:47 brohemoth06 Yveltal raid now adding 10 5841 5906 6529
2021.05.19 02:47 Pepsi_Cola_di_Rienzo Fake Concern for Earth reaching Comically Absurd Levels
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2021.05.19 02:47 pompousfool1 Can't even practice guitar in my own room. I'm always holding myself back from developing any real skill.
I've always had issues with doing any task with other people around. I've played guitar since I was 14 and I've always wanted to take lessons, but I get so anxious at the thought of them. I'm nearly 20 now and I can't help but imagine how much better I could've been if I wasn't such a self conscious worm all the time. I can't even practice within earshot of my own family because I'm scared of being judged, so taking lessons seems like a huge leap to me. Does anybody have any experience with guitar lessons, or any kind of lessons for that matter? I really want to take a step to better myself and this seems like a good start, but I don't know what to expect. I always tell myself I'm too old to start, or it's pointless for me to try and I'm better off just teaching myself.
Sorry if this is a complete non-issue, it's just been bugging me for a while now.
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2021.05.19 02:47 QueenSheezyodaCosmos I can smell the gardenias on the breeze.
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2021.05.19 02:47 GreedoughShotFirst This is my 13 year old baby, Brandy. She’s been diagnosed with IVDD and my heart feels like it’s being torn apart.
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2021.05.19 02:47 BlessedaretheFreaks This is not what I was expecting from the Crisis Hotline
Most people who call in aren't suicidal, aren't in crisis, aren't even in any real state of emergency -- most of them are just lonely. For every person sputtering through tears trying to find the words to make the unbearable pain inside themselves go away, there are ten lonely spinsters who don't have a soul in the world to talk to.
It is not my place to judge. Listen, understand, intervene. That is the Crisis worker's creed.
At least, that's what I tell myself when I pick up the receiver and try not to fuck anyone up more than they already are. For the most part, it works. I've only been with the Hotline a couple months, and in that time I've helped people navigate their way from rock bottom, consoled the inconsolable, held high the lantern for those lost in the dark. Or so I tell myself.
It might sound a little selfish, maybe even a little sick, but I get a real high from a good shift. There is no better feeling than walking away from the job knowing you made the difference in someone's life. That you stood between them and the Reaper and prevailed. For the first time in my dead end life, I really felt like I had intrinsic value to offer the world.
That is the spirit I held within myself when I sat down at my desk last night, ready for that phone to ring, so that I could pick it up and offer hope.
RING RING RING
"Hello. You've reached the Lifeline. This is Jonathan speaking. If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress, please remain on the line. Please give me your name, county and a call ba--"
"JONATHAN." I knew the voice at once. "It's really you... my Jonathan."
I dropped the phone. It couldn't be. There was no way.
I picked the receiver back up with a shaking hand and fired into it "Who the fuck is this? Is this your idea of a sick joke? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"It's me, Little John. I understand how this seems but you have to believe me. It's really me."
I was furious. This was worse than disgraceful, this was profane. "I don't know who put you up to this or how you got through to me, but if you don't cut this shit out right now I'm going to call the cops on you for telephonic harassment."
Silence persisted on the other end of the line. "Little John. I know you might still be angry with me after all these years, for the way I left, but this is happening. You've always been such a skeptical boy. I bet it's helped you survive these years without me. I remember when you were just 5 and I told you mommy and I were spending some time apart. You just looked me right in the eye and asked when we were getting divorced. Such a bright boy. You could see through it all. You could always see right through me, anyway."
Every part of me was trembling. I felt sick. I couldn't tell if the room was spinning or if I was. I slumped back in my chair, feeling like my soul had been torn out of me.
"Let's... let's say for a second I entertain the idea that this is real -- which it isn't -- but let's say it is. What do you want from me? How are you even doing this?"
"I don't have all the answers myself. I wish I did. Time doesn't flow like it did before. Mostly I feel like a vapor swirling between past and present, continuously shifting between moments of my life and viewing strange images and people from above. Every now and then everything focuses. An object, an image, in this case, a voice. I can hear you all the time, my boy. It keeps me from being lost completely. I can hear the things you say to all the people lost like me. Well, maybe not lost quite like me. I am so proud of you."
Tears were streaming from my eyes. I don't know how long I'd been crying.
Was this real? How could this be happening?
"Dad?" I said
"Son." From his voice I could tell that he was smiling, if he could still smile, that is. "There's something I have to tell you son, something important."
"Anything. What is it?"
"You have to kill yourself."
"Kill yourself, little John. You have to do it."
If anyone else present in the office could see my face, they would have seen an entirely new expression never present before on the face of a man.
"My little John. It's the only way to make it right. Aren't you tired of running? Aren't you tired of drowning the burning fires of guilt with the worthless weight of good deeds? It's never going to work, John. The weight will always be there. The only thing left to do is kill yourself. Come and see your old man."
I didn't know if I didn't understand, or if I just didn't want to.
"How could you ask me to do something like that? I thought you were proud of me."
I am, John. But you're running down a road that leads nowhere. Everything you do comes back to that night and there's no escaping that. There is one way to resolve it. One way to make it right."
This wasn't right. It was all twisted. He was taking something true and turning it into something ugly.
"You're not serving the lifeline out of the good of your heart, John. You have to know that. Every empty promise of a better life to these sobbing souls doesn't make you a better person John, it makes you sick. With every word you are deepening the lie. You could see through me all the time John, you have to be able to see through yourself. You still remember that night, don't you? That night I came to you, broken? I told you I was ready for the end. I told you I was done. What did you do? You looked away. You couldn't even look me in the eye. You couldn't hold me. The world had become cold to me and you gave me nothing but your cold shoulder. Like a stranger. You know I called you right before I did it, don't you? You remember that even if you pretend you don't. You couldn't even pick up. I was ruined, John. And you weren't there for me. You killed your father."
"YOU KILLED YOURSELF!" I shouted in self-righteous anger. "I was in braces! How was I supposed to talk a grown man out of suicide? You left us!" My voice broke with years of pent up sorrow and rage, "... you left us." I felt a calm sweep over me, like the eerie silence that passes after a thundestorm.
Quiet clung to the air, accompanied by the low level hiss of the old office receiver.
Suddenly there was laughter. A laugh of sickening self-abandonment, free from joy, full of malice. The voice that came out of the receiver was now changed. Sinister and fragrant.
"That was pretty good John. I bet you've been waiting your entire life to say that. Have you been rehearsing that in your head? Finally got your chance, did you? Heh heh heh. I'll tell your dad you're not sorry. He'll be glad to hear fr--"
Then there was static. A loud and rushing static buzz. A far off voice waned and waxed underneath the buzz, "John? bzzzzzz Don't listen to him! bzzzzzzzz John!"
And then it was all clear.
"Jonathan. Don't listen to him. Don't let him get to you! He's a lie. Jonathan I love you. He is a lie."
"Jonathan I can only hold him off for a few moments longer. I just have to tell you something... I'm sorry Jonathan. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry I put you in that position to hold onto a man's lifetime of pain as a child. It's not your fault. I'm so sorry, Jon. I love y--- bzzz."
The dial tone rang out. Dead air.
I had been so lost in the encounter that I didn't notice that everyone in the office had been looking at me. The office supervisor walked up behind me, and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Are you okay?"
I looked her in the eye and said, "You know what. I'm beginning to think this job isn't for me."
I haven't made a phone call since.
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2021.05.19 02:47 Cee220 Major ISO watermelon bow and shoes and sugar plum bow!
2021.05.19 02:47 Ramennoof They Kissed
2021.05.19 02:47 Lonely-dude I want to come out to my best friend rn before I think it too much and back out
2021.05.19 02:47 Reesecupthis Best City Layout?
Can anyone point me in the direction of a best city layout? I google it and find conflicting images and some of them im not sure how to read. I keep seeing something about bulletin boards but I dont know what those are.
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2021.05.19 02:47 The-Eastern-Reactor The horse is well past dead
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2021.05.19 02:47 ruijf18 What sport did you grow out of?
2021.05.19 02:47 johnrock001 Top 10 Overpowered Anime Characters of 2021
Top 10 Overpowered Anime Characters of 2021 - https://www.myanimeforlife.com/top-10-overpowered-anime-characters-of-2021/
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2021.05.19 02:47 NFTNewsToday Artist Series Week #6
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2021.05.19 02:47 pacagolfore In Search of a Specific Type of ~1970 Setlist
Hey all! I’m curious what your thoughts are on the first concert that comes to mind that would encompass the best of ‘68-‘69 (using the example of Two from the Vault) and ‘70 (like the first set of Harpur College)
What say you is your favorite set list of those songs from the psychedelic Haight days mixed with the time of Workingman’s and American Beauty jn 1970?
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